Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Cheese Snaps FTW

Long ago, before the world turned to shit. We were happy folk, we didn't know it at the time, but we were. Well I was, who cares if you weren't. If you were eating Cheese Snaps like I was you were happy. Who would have thought in those carefree days that Cheese Snaps were a finite resource, like oil & Patrick Swayze? Their days were numbered and I didn't even know it. Why didn't you keep buying them? What's wrong with you lazy fucking Quaver munching plebs? Don't you realise Quavers are just shit Snaps?

'You can still get Tomato Snaps Phil chill ouuuuttt'


YOU PEOPLE, honestly.....

Britain was a better place with them, no doubt. We had options then and now we are shadows of our former selves; turning on each other like savages. We need Snaps back, Cheese Snaps; proper Snaps. Spread them the world over bringing joy to people who need them, even if they don't like them make them smile at gunpoint, make them see how lucky they are; an extinct crisp brought to life that shits all over Quavers, a massive dense shit.

Recession? Do one. Global warming? Take a hike. Ninjas took away your socks and put silly string in your I-Phone? All things we face day in & day out, but there is a cure. Cheese Snaps; bring them back. It's the only chance we have.

Walker's were onto something good, then Gary Lineker stuck his beak in (clearly opposed to Cheese Snaps, I don't have concrete proof but that is fact) and such is his influence they pulled the plug. They might as well have pulled the plug on life itself. Too dramatic? No my friend, you just aren't seeing the bigger picture. Ashton Kutcher made a film once about butterflies and they had this effect like he went roller skating and because of that his Mum's ears fell off. Cheese Snaps existence had a vital impact on everything. Michael Bolton hasn't had a mullet for years, coincidence?! I think not...