Thursday, 25 August 2011

Pitches to Kevin Bacon


This summer Kevin Bacon stars in.............


Rash Decision!

Kevin Bacon plays a tough grizzled cop who never plays by the rules. Always on the edge Bacon loses his cool with the boss and gets chucked out of the force. Wandering the streets waving his cock around he takes up prostitution and struggles through a career threatening thrush injury. He arrests himself in an act so noble he is restored to his old homicide job.

Or.....

Smoked!

Kevin Bacon plays a book shop owner whose whole life is about to go up in smoke! Not entirely sure why yet but when all hope is lost he begins a new life as a drug mule! He saves enough money to reopen his book shop and also makes some friends along the way...

Or....

Bringing Home The Bacon!

Kevin Bacon is about to get the surprise of his life when after a drunken binge he puts himself up for adoption! An elderly couple take him in and MADNESS ensues! After a hard fought legal battle (defense lawyer to be played by either Matthew Mconagoniclelyahey or the other one from Two and a Half Men) Bacon reluctantly returns home to his actual parents although continues his sordid affair with his adopted mother.

Or...........

Footlost!

Kevin Bacon plays a friendly actor/vet who's about to break more than a leg! After a vicious accident involving some chloroform and a stern giraffe called Lewis our hero is forced to spend his life footless and convicted of minor beastiality. Undeterred Bacon; purely through montage is able to grow his own feet back with the help of a radical scientist played by Judge Reinhold and rebuilds his shattered reputation.

Or........

Usain!

Kevin Bacon breaks new artistic ground playing the enigmatic world's fastest man Usain Bolt. (DEFINITE OSCAR MATERIAL)

Or..........

The Vegan!

Kevin Bacon is The Vegan! A renegade doctor who lives by a strong code of ethics is forced to go to extremes when stranded in a nature reserve. After days of refusal to eat animals to survive Kevin Bacon decides to eat himself. As much effort as possible must be made to make it look authentic and no CGI must be used or stunt doubles. (EVEN MORE SURE OF AN OSCAR!)

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