Monday, 28 July 2008

What is now, what never was and That's Amore


Well what an up and mostly down time it has been. Shortly I am embarking on a brief trip, it's a chance to pay my respects to my Aunt Briar who sadly died of Lung Cancer after a long battle through the year. So it's off to Wales for the week and really a responsibility of keeping some sort of morale for my family and handling my younger brothers, for whom death is a foreign concept. I will miss the funeral but I also have a vital job to do and it will give me a chance to do something good and try to put aside other things that have been going on in my life.

Spiritually although I was Christened in God's house (It's very tidy but he could use a sofa or two) I've always been wary of how inconclusive faith is. I think although you can never know for sure it's idealistic and easier to believe in a loved one watching over you after you've gone. It doesn't matter if it's true, when you find out for real I doubt you'd be able to tell anyone anyway. I hope that for all my scepticism there are things of interest beyond this life and somewhere up there Aunt Briar gets to meet Elvis. I have many fond memories and many Briar-isms I remember. She took forever to tell a story, often taking the scenic route and often either forgot my name or called me something else entirely. I think she called me Edward for a while and the last time she referred to me she called me Alfred. She was an incredible cook from her skyscraper roast dinner portions to her apricot sponges and was the greatest Scrabble player I have ever faced.

What has paralleled this event though is a something of a different sort, at a time when I should perhaps rediscover a little faith or hold notions of life's balance something should happen that flips that all on its head. By the time I had discovered it, the time had passed between and nothing could be done. My Dad says life is all on the job training, but you never learn things in order. Some things are easy to deal with, others are not, but life never waits until you are ready.

If by now your mood has been thoroughly ruined I apologize, so here's something completely different. This video always makes me laugh because this guy is terrible, yet nobody sniggers, they let him carry on and finish. You have to bear with the first minute I can't understand a word the woman says before she introduces him, but I promise John Daker is worth the wait.

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Drum Roll Please


So this is my site and this is it’s first blog. Well it's a link from my site but whatever.

So where am I in my life?

Well I’ve been living in my current home for a few months now. It’s the swankiest house I’ve ever lived in that’s for sure. I only hear a police helicopter once a month at most. I have three great housemates. Rich, Bob and Dave and as far as I’m concerned I’d take a bullet or a rough Chinese burn for all three of them. My job is the ball and chain that pays my bills and prevents me from doing this more often. For reasons of keeping it I probably shouldn’t mention the company but it rhymes with Craplin. It’s a great source of stress, but then so are most jobs involving the general public. My love life is well.. as always indefinable.

But onto less personal issues, one thing I have become aware of (since the news can’t shut up about it) is knife crime. Now a knife has many uses and I would not go as far as to ban them from existence as some Daily Mail readers would wish. My first idea is simple; you go to every knife manufacturer around, recall all the knives and fit them and any new knife with a pink flowery handle. Can’t cost the earth to do surely? Who in their right mind would want to stab someone up with a pink flowery knife? Second idea is to arm absolutely everybody with one, from librarians to school teachers. If everybody has a switchblade, they just become a fad like Pokemon cards.

Obviously youth crime will find other ways to piss us all off but I say just equip armed gun turrets outside every Londis and Costcutter. This doesn’t even have to be used to punish gobby minors. Ever got pissed off at someone not holding a door open for you or not thanking you for doing the same? A quick burst of gunfire and that wanker is going down, at the discretion of shop management of course. You may think, but Phil isn’t that barbaric? Well they kill folks for much less in Zimbabwe, that election was a joke; Robert Mugabe throwing his dolly out the pram, ‘If I can’t win then no one will!’ imagine if Bush started hunting down democrat voters and shooting them? I don’t want George Clooney to die! The world can be a horrible place full of horrible people. All I’m saying is you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes and bad people ought to be brought to justice, whether they’re dictators or navel gazers.